When One Chapter Ends, Consciousness Begins Again
Witnessing my father's final breath changed the way I understand grief, faith, identity, and consciousness. This is a reflection on love, loss, and choosing to begin again through Christ
The unexpected chapter just ended last night. The hysterical, high-intensity crying that I never knew I had in me appeared that time. My heart was racing like someone who had just finished sprinting 100 km. I saw with my bare eyes the minute that last breath was taken through thin air. It left him a simply broken mannequin that doesn’t have any “life” anymore. It was like all those statues that I saw in Madame Tussauds, precisely the same; the difference was it used to come from a real human being that used to have a full 63 years old inside… Inside that temporary body that he used to live for most of his entire life…
My dad, forever my spiritual guru, dad, the most protective human, the nicest human on this planet, and forever the man that will always space within my heart… He stayed for another 2 months without experiencing any pain with the diagnosis of stage 4. I am so grateful for this journey; I got extra time to spend with him and was able to be there until death separated us. The world is no longer the same between me and him, and the only thing left between us is those beautiful memories of what we had… Last night, the universe was showing a sign that his time was almost coming; it somehow appeared in the back of my mind right up until my mom decided to praise and worship God, who decided to give us a last memory where my dad, in his last breath, held my mom’s hands. The tension of the hold made my mom feel he was there with us, singing on his last remaining day. For me, the last quality time that we had together will forever be cherished inside my heart.
Right up until this morning, I woke up still with this leftover hangover intensity from last night, which came up as an immediate memory that we now start to finish what we wrote for this family. Just before, the tears started to well up in my eyes because of the atmosphere of the place that I used to call home and most likely because I saw his car and the memories of what we had when he dropped me off at Mom’s office. Well, it simply became an echo of what is no longer able to live repetitively inside my life. It is because the season has changed, whether I am ready or not. All things that truly make me have this power of experience shall pass without attaching any meaning, but simply let each character that simply exists have an expiry date. The situation where the only lighthouse is through the consciousness that you choose to breathe in during this season of your life until the universe starts aligning you with a new beginning or the momentum itself. Well, that perhaps taught something really important… The grounded level of spirituality that I will always consistently plant through Christianity and Christ consciousness, as well as playing a role in this material world that came from something that I love to do… Within both sides that I maintain, the consciousness role that I will play along will always be forever evolving in a way that it is no longer driven through a specific chapter but from a wholeness that will keep aligning itself with the goals that I have inside my life without letting my human mind become the one who labels that, but let the world become the one that facilitates me instead.
When I choose to live this way, life itself will be able to put me in every situation that the character inside my body can recognize as something obvious for me to have. It becomes my own manifestation that is aligned through the way you choose your thoughts and emotions consistently until the self can start to remember who you really are. It’s the truth that the world never told you: everything that you want has been within; you simply need to be recognized through repetition, through your conscious mind that perhaps people call imagination. The minute you open your eyes, bring the body through repetition of what you imagine yourself inside until it starts showing everywhere. And the way I’ve been living this way truly makes life become so visible in a way that I no longer need this world to tell me what to do; everything here has become a simple source of what my character needs, and I can experience what I need arriving without needing to work hard. Simply allowing myself to live and hold that character internally until reality starts to reflect that to my eyes.
The key here is to create new evidence of who you are through new repetition of what type of memory that you want to let your mind believe until it becomes your normal baseline. It becomes the way you act naturally everywhere and every time. You stop questioning yourself because of how much certainty you’ve been holding internally within. I no longer need this world to support me as a way of fulfilling me rather than to provide what I need to keep me going. The fullness that I will always have because of how much my body remembered itself through how I put my body inside the life that I have, which required safety as my baseline. I no longer outsourced pain to keep me alive or survival to keep me thinking this will stay permanently, rather than the character inside of me continuously manifesting another aligned encounter that I can recall as my own life experience.
It’s like the human name that this world chose for me is Liona; however, the character inside of me will always be different, in a way of evolving to a different type of soul that my conscious mind chose her to stay as during that season temporarily. As it is with what I currently experience now, the grieving daughter part of me lost her dad, whereas the self part of me knows that the goal is to be able to experience that Christ consciousness and leave this world peacefully, as my dad precisely experienced through his vulnerable chapter before. What he said to someone who can see each soul who's about to leave this world: he said it is enough to experience this life here, bring his favorite bible, and go up to heaven. That’s the goal that my dad has been practicing for most of his entire life, and I have somehow manifested that precise consciousness that God can give me another new life that sounds like a new soul who got a second chance to live differently. The only manifestation that will keep me alive is because the source is only within, and it can always change through the way I want to make this work. The key is the alignment itself that comes from pure consciousness, not through the flesh mind whose endless conditioning has veiled your true nature until your soul drifted into sleep.
Nonetheless, I am glad this season is almost over; my dad has finished his human experience here and is happily ever after in heaven with God. Therefore, I am inviting a new beginning to my life, and the universe will surprise me with all those unexpected encounters through me.
Your Subconscious besties,
Liona